Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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