either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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