wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
