Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
