I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
