woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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