Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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