is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
