Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
my liver is dry heaving
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
