I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
