i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
