Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
