i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
