she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
