It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
That accounts for only three of the penises
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
