New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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