if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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