I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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