Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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