I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
