ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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