The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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