why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
