Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
