home. puking in laundry basket.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
