let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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