he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
