Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
