so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
