Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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