what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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