Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
