my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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