i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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