between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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