Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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