first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just gargled with NyQuil
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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