I wish life had little blips of pornography
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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