I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
