You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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