Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
