youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
