whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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