i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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