I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
