Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
