Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
