I cockslap morals
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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