She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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