Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
